Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
