I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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