I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
