And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
