A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
pop tarts are not kleenex
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
