Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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