hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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