Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
