i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
NoShamevember. You game?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
