Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize