If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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