I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
