I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i was born a porn star she said
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
