Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
