Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
