I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
