i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
