I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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