guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
