Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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