Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
