she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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