Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
