I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
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I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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