are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
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Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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