I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
