last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
