You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize