On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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