Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
