it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
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So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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