8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
