Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
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If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
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So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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