She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
