Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
