be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize