did you get engaged???
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
