I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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