Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
