Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
