At least make sure they are 18
Why
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
