That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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