How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
