i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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