when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
