I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
