i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
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I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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