I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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