a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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