hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
