I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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