i don't like sucking hair
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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