i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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