I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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