I'm laying in your front yard are you home
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
