I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
