Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
