He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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