OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My liver just broke up with me...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
