Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
