i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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