I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
