Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
