Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
