Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
