So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
