dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
