I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
