also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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