...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
