I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
